there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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