Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
