i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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