well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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