dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
