I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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