he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
