I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
