woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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