Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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