We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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