i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
