Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
