She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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