I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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