Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
