You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
