nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
