Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
