There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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