I am in a vortex of obligation.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
