i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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