Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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