At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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