I skipped work to stalk him.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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