He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
