I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
