Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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