He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
