Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
