She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
