The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
