there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
