I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
