I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
