I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
