I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
