First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
