I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's always time for handjobs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
