I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
