Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
