She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
