I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
