You made me cry and you don't even care
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
