First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
