Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
