Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
