Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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