so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
