you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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