sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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